


Better

by aptasi



Category: Wheel of Time - Robert Jordan
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, F/M, Friendship, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Support, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Warder Bond, vicarious trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-18 00:01:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29480352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aptasi/pseuds/aptasi
Summary: Moiraine worries about how Thom is coping with their bond-shared trauma. And Mat ends up in the middle somehow.
Relationships: Moiraine Damodred/Thom Merrilin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	Better

**Author's Note:**

> Rating for: Trauma, vicarious trauma, discussion of alcohol abuse, and slightly racy remarks/jokes.

The inn they were walking up to looked like just what Mat had been wanting. The common room was bustling with people laughing drunkenly and singing off key. Even the light in the window looked warm and comfortable. Mat could almost feel himself sighing and stretching out. Light, finally.

Moiraine looked at Thom. "Would you take care of rooms?" 

Thom winked. "Yes, wife."

Moiraine's ears got a little red. 

The last village had lacked a proper inn, but there had been a wise woman, and so Moiraine and Thom had gotten hitched right away. That was some kind of flaming hurry in Mat's opinion, but then again he supposed he really couldn't talk. At least Thom and Moiraine (It really was flaming Moiraine. They had actually done it.) knew what they were getting into. They weren't exactly two young people trying to sneak past a women's circle waiting period. And they seemed happy, sort of, at least when Moiraine wasn't looking all... human.

"Mat." Moiraine said quietly, as Thom walked away. "Might I talk to you a moment?" 

"Well sure, I suppose."

The Aes Sedai waited until he was clearly paying attention and then began to speak. "Thom and I have talked before about his relationship with drink, and how it changes when he's under duress."

Mat tightened his mouth suspiciously. This sounded like the end of a good time one way or another. 

"I am worried that Thom might be receiving an impulse from me through our shared bond to" Moiraine shivered, "feel less."

"Meaning what exactly?"

She shivered again, harder, like a small convulsion. "What happened to me was too much emotion, and I want it to, that is sometimes I feel it would be better if I forced it to go away." She looked up, eyes full up with uncharacteristic emotion clear even to his one eye, and then looked away, crossing her arms.

Mat shifted on the balls of his feet. "You mean what happened in… in there… when the snakes and foxes ate your memories or whatever?"

Moiraine made a mirthless throaty sound "Ate them? I should be so lucky as to have those memories consumed. That would be so much better. They..."

"Moiraine, no offense, but I really don't want to know."

Mat had never thought that Moiraine could look rejected, but she did for a moment, before setting her jaw and saying. "Yes that is what I refer to. I worry that Thom feels my desire to drown those feelings by any means."

"You think Thom's going to try to drink himself to death because you want to?"

Moiraine hesitated. "He might be more susceptible to that form of the action than me."

Mat supposed Moiraine did have a ridiculous amount of self control. Or at least, they had all better hope she still did. "Seems right."

"Conventionally, one worries less about transferring this sort of thing through the bond, but, Mat, it is not that I want to be numb," her voice changed tone. "But that I need to be numb so desperately."

"I uh… desperate huh?"

Her face that, although still perfect, had lately taken to all sorts of upsetting shapes frowned. "The methods that I crave for myself are not better than drink, in fact they may be more drastic. Regardless, it is Thom I care about."

"And he cares about you."

She pressed her lips together hard. "Mine is not a problem that one can make go away by caring at it."

"You." He rubbed the back of his neck. "You seem to be doing well."

She shook her head. "I am succeeding. There is a difference."

That really terrified Mat on some level. "So... what do you want me to do? 

"Only do not encourage him, in the drinking in particular. It is not that I want to limit him so much. If he wants to gamble or flirt or… "

"You'd rather he flirt with someone else than get drunk?"

"Yes. I find that better." Moiraine said steadily. "By a large margin."

Mat swallowed, remembering the state he'd found Thom in that one time, after Dina's assassination. "You know, I think I agree with you."

Moiraine nodded solemnly. "I would appreciate it." She made to leave.

"Moiraine."

She turned.

"Last time, Thom didn't want to flirt or gamble. Not really, I mean. He wanted..." Mat hesitated.

"Dina."

"Right, her." Mat shifted uncomfortable. "Point is, right now, he probably wants you. If you want to get numb, can you do it together?"

She gave him an arch look. 

Mat knew he was red to his ears more than she had been earlier. "Um, not necessarily like that."

Moiraine smiled, but it had a hint of a wince to it. "I usually cause myself to be alone, when I feel like this."

"Well, that hasn't worked so great, has it?"

"I see everyone has become wise in my absence."

Mat shook his head. "Hang on now, don't start with that."

They paused awkwardly 

"I cannot believe..." Moiraine said. 

"You're taking relationship advice from me?"

Moiraine actually laughed. "Well, I suppose you did marry first."

"Oh Light, don't remind me."

Mercifully, Thom interrupted them at that point with the room keys. He gave Moiraine a distinctly worried look as he handed them out. As well he might. "They know we're married. No need to watch being too close. Though they do wonder how I got so lucky and why we're traveling with a man my young wife's age."

"What? Her age!" Mat exclaimed. 

Moiraine smiled, a little weakly. 

Thom glanced inside. "You worried I'll drink too much?"

She nodded.

"Not tonight, woman. Maybe someday, it's hard to promise, but not tonight." 

Mat shifted on his feet awkwardly. 

"I survived not be allowed to tell Mat about your letter." Thom said. "Without completely losing myself I can survive this."

Mat rolled his eyes. "I knew I'd be involved in this somehow."

Thom shot him a glare. "You must feel like the Pit of Doom itself to be afraid you'll drive me into my cups vicariously."

"Yes." Moiraine said simply. "And I can feel you want to."

"Well I can feel your urges too woman and they're no less destructive."

"Oh for the flaming love of light, fine. Here's how it's going to go. You two are going to go to your room and kiss, cuddle, what flaming ever until you either both feel better or it's time to keep walking. Now can you both live with that and keep me out of it?"

Thom touched Moiraine's hair. "Sounds better than drinking."

"I do not promise to feel better." She said. 

"I know, woman. I know."

"But yes, it sounds preferable to the alternative."

"Well good." Mat rubbed the back of his neck. "Now if you'll excuse me, someone over there has cards."


End file.
